To This Day
by leena1445
Summary: [AU, oneshot, major TW for depression/ self-harm] [NaLu] Torment is an everyday thing for her, bullying a routine. Everyone hates her. She's a loser, who has the abusive dad and sits alone at lunch (Every. Single. Day.). This is Lucy Heartfilia's life- at least, until she meets Natsu, the pink-haired boy with the wide smile. Who gives her the chance to be her.


**I got this idea from the spoken word poem "To This Day" from Shane Koyczan. It's truly beautiful-go check it out. **

_To This Day_

Every day.

A chase.

Not of fun, not of games.

She, everyday, ran from the popular skinny girls that taped the ugly signs to her back, the girls who pretended to be nice but only ended up getting tripped by them seconds later. The jocky, hot boys who whispered behind her back about her father and how he was an old hag that beat her every day, the boys who applauded for her accidental falls in gym class and guffawed loudly.

A chase of words, a chase of pushes, everything, bombarded with the constant pelting of her emotional state, the words, the constant abuse, the things that made her what she was. The broken girl she pitied herself on.

She felt like there was no escape, that she was waking up to the same wretched day, looped in time, never ending. "Freak", they called her. "Ugly bitch," they said.

Was she really? Was she really?

It felt like it.

She was just an ugly, fat little slut like they called her.

Was she?

Yes, of course.

The day before, she tried to run, she tried to run fast, fast, faster, but she failed. They caught her and dragged her to that dreaded encased metal case, that freezing iron locker and locked her in there. She banged on the walls after everyone left, craving love, craving care.

Craving herself.

The teacher who found her simply yelled at her. Muttering a small 'don't be an idiot' below his lips, and he thought that she couldn't hear. But of course she did. Later, she started crying in her run-down room.

The next day, she stood under the basket as the boys threw the balls at her, called her 'fatty', 'bitch', 'faggot'. They laughed when she started bleeding, while the teachers just stood by with no care in the world about her, a little weakling like her, why would they care?

All of them. They could not understand, could not understand that she was alone, a broken little bird that couldn't even get back up, couldn't even fly.

They could all soar above with their long, graceful wings.

And she couldn't. She couldn't even stand back up or smile for the life of her broken life.

At age 5, she witnessed her first tragedy. Her mother, like the sun, had disappeared.

At age seven, she was told the word she hated most. 'Freak!' Lisanna said.

At age ten, she was pushed to the ground by her 'loving daddy' before school and ate in the bathroom that reeked of waste.

At age twelve, she got her head dunked in the toilet water, came home to her father drinking for the millionth time, yelling at her to get up and stop being such a lazy ass.

At age fourteen, she learned the word she loved most. 'Cutting.' And so she, instead of crying in pain, embraced the small slice of the blade across her skin.

At age sixteen, she was told to 'get over it' from her father, who had his smoky cigarette in hand, damned vodka in the other.

Flash forward to now. 17.

She was a nothing. They told her to tighten the noose around her neck a little more, to purposely hang from the rope.

* * *

"I'm Natsu," he said. He, the pink-haired boy with the wide smile. He, the boy who was new to this school and didn't know she was just a brokenhearted loser.

He smiled at her and when she ignored him he cocked his head when a girl whispered in his ear, "She has issues. We think she's a weirdo. Don't talk to her."

He frowned.

Now he was on their side.

Right?

Of course.

"I'm Natsu!" He said, louder. Tears sprang in her eyes because she didn't know he wanted to say hi. She thought he was going to say something mean. "I'm Natsu. What's your name?" He repeated his name and asked.

She looked up. "I'm Lucy," she said quietly. The desks next to her were empty as always. And he sat down.

He sat down next to her.

Next to _her_, the crazy cutter girl who everyone hated. Then the girl named Lisanna stalked up to her with her snakely feet and her razor nails that loathed every inch of Lucy's skin. "What the hell are you doing, Natsu?"

So she knew him.

"I'm sitting here," He said.

"Why _her_? She's just a bitch," Lisanna said without any amount of pity, just hate. "The bitch we've known for years and still is a bitch. You need to be talked to, Natsu. She is a _freak_." Lucy looked away, the words repeating in her head over and over.

"Why? She looks to be just fine. She's not a disease, am I right?" Natsu smiled.

"What? She's not okay. She's not even...a girl. She's like...an ape," Another girl, Cana, said **[AN: pay in mind, I don't actually hate these characters or anything I'm just using them]**. "She's so...weird," Cana pondered over this thought, and scrunched her nose up when she looked at me.

"...Well, she's a girl to me," Natsu said with no other words, and smiled again, this time smaller, at Lucy. The girls looked at him with bulging, hate-filled eyes, but walked back over and sat down quietly. "I didn't think you weren't pretty. Actually, you're more normal than me," He continued to her.

"If you pick this seat, you sit in it for the rest of the year," Lucy murmured.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Natsu asked carelessly and sat back in his chair.

"I'm me," Lucy returned.

"Yeah, so am I, I'm me too. I sit here because I want to. I like it here," Natsu shrugged.

"I like your hair," Lucy commented and looked away reflexively, not knowing whether he'd be weirded out or not care.

"Oh, thanks. I would rather have blonde but I'm stuck with pink," Natsu replied.

A person was making a conversation with her.

With Lucy.

WITH LUCY.

"...I think it suits you," Lucy said, this time even softer.

"Oi, you speak too quietly. Can you speak a bit louder?" Natsu said.

"Oh. Yes. I said I think it suits you," She said just a bit louder.

"I still can't hear you, but I'll just assume you said something good so, yes," Natsu said.

"That's not what I said at all." Lucy smirked just the slightest bit.

"...Then what did you say?" He nosed.

"I said, 'I think it suits you'!" Lucy spoke louder.

"What? My hair?"

"Yes!" Lucy giggled.

She hadn't giggled in a long time. A very long time.

* * *

At lunch, Lucy walked towards the lunch line. She wondered if Natsu had been listening to Lisanna and the other girls. She looked around the room. "Look, it's Loser Lucy!" Mirajane called. The other girls laughed.

Taking her lunch, she walked to her space in the back, lonely, overused, sad. Suddenly, her tray flew up, and with food catching on her clothes, Lucy slipped and fell. Of course, the whole cafeteria pointed and laughed.

Quickly getting up, she ran to the bathroom, but in the halls, a boy's voice called for her. "Hey, Lucy!"

The bullies? A jock? No, Natsu. Instead of responding, she ran away, but before she could a hand grabbed her arm. "What are you doing?!" Natsu yelled. "Lemme help!"

'Help?' Really?

"Just...let me go to the bathroom to at least change. I have an extra tank top," Lucy said quietly.

"Why are they so mean to you? I don't get it. I don't see anything wrong with you. Am I weird or something? Actually, that was bad word choice..." Natsu blabbered.

He followed her all the way back to her locker, battered and smeared with words that hurt like razor blades, only the real ones she used lightened her day just a bit more instead of hurt.

Taking out her top, Natsu said, "There's no one here, just change here so I don't have to wait."

"Are you insane?! I don't plan on getting called a slut anymore today! And I don't-" Lucy was interrupted.

"Just do it!" Natsu yelled.

"No!" She raced to the ladies' room. "Just wait here!"

_What was he even...? _Lucy thought.

"ARE YOU DONE YET?!" Natsu yelled through the door. "I'M HUNGRYYYYY!"

"...No..." Lucy yelled. The tank top was on. Opening the door, Natsu was waiting for her, complaining about how he needed to get lunch and how he absolutely needed fuel and how he needed to get warm food and more food.

After sitting back down, Natsu began to eat as Lucy looked down at her lap, sad and ashamed of herself.

The words on her locker flashed through her mind.

_Freak._

_Bitch._

_Fatass._

_Loser Lucy._

_Spaz._

She didn't even realize she was crying or putting her face in her hands, quietly sobbing so no one could hear.

"Why are you crying?" A voice came out of nowhere. She didn't dare look up. "Stop crying," It said.

He pried the fingers off her face gently. She pushed his hands away and put her head against her arms on the table. He kept nudging her, frowning. "Stop crying, I don't like it!"

No response.

"Look, she's crying!" They laughed and snickered. "Little baby girl needs her momma? Go kill yourself, bitch!"

"Shut up!" Natsu yelled back.

Lucy listened to them.

"Go cut yourself! You deserve it, fatass!" They said.

"Stop it," Lucy said, and breaking out of Natsu's slight grasp, ran outside, away from the words.

People were in the yard, sneering at her.

She found somewhere, a place that held no people.

_Freak._

_Bitch._

_Fatass._

_Loser Lucy._

_Spaz._

Sobbing uncontrollably, she wailed for help. "Oi, Lucy! Stop it!" A voice broke through the bushes.

"Make it stop," Lucy cried. "Make it stop!" Her head hurt like hell.

"They're not here anymore! Why are you crying? They're just jealous!" Natsu tried to cheer her up.

"Just shut up," Lucy said and buried her face in her knees.

_Freak._

_Bitch._

_Fatass._

_Loser Lucy._

_Spaz._

He sat there until lunch ended, staring at her silently.

* * *

The same thing happened the next day, of course, a routine, except just with different events.

The next day.

Day after that.

_Freak._

_Bitch._

_Fatass._

_Loser Lucy._

_Spaz._

Too much. Too much to handle.

_Freak._

_Bitch._

_Fatass._

_Loser Lucy._

_Spaz._

Day after that. And it didn't stop. Not even with Natsu. Her phone was overflowing with messages that destabilized her very well-being.

The blood from the blades didn't cease.

No days clean.

No days bare.

It went on for a month and a half, the words swirling and concentrating in her mind. The daily abuse from her father went on, too.

_'Luce, i'm coming over your house tonight whether you like it or not and i dont really give a shit about ur dad so yeah bye get back and i still dont care about ur dad -Natsu'_

Of course he would say that.

"Luce?" She heard a familiar voice. Wait.

The message was sent three hours ago.

Wait.

"Lucy!" Natsu burst through her room door, unaware of her attempt. "Luce..."

"Lucy...

"Lucy..." His eyes were as wide as the saucers she had for eating.

He tore the blade from her hands. It felt as if he were on fire, like everything he breathed and ate was fire. "What were you doing?" He asked.

"I was just..." Lucy tried to say. The words, both mad, both angry, both sad, both hurtful...just came out.

"I was just..." She continued. The blood running down her arms were crimson red, angry, mad.

"I was just done!" She screamed. She tore at her hair and tears came out of her eyes and streamed down her cheeks.

He sat on her bed and held her hand for the rest of that day, not hugging her, not saying anything.

She already knew.

Everything.

Everything that he was saying to her inside.

* * *

She fell in love with him a year after he came.

Because he cared. Cared for a girl, a loser like her.

He fell in love with her too.

Because she was herself. Herself, a girl, but still needed someone to want her, to _need _her.

[Present Tense, Natsu]

She doesn't think she's beautiful. No, not anymore, just an ugly woman who doesn't _deserve_ him.

She, in fact, does.

She is the very foundation of beauty to him.

Just the perfect touch of shy, the nicest speck of sweet, a whole of everything.

Lucy doesn't think so.

She thinks she is the ugliest animal that had ever lived on the planet.

And Natsu wishes he could tell her, confess himself to her. To caress her face and kiss her fears away; but how does he go about doing that?

He wouldn't do that.

That's not Natsu.

Until she crosses the line.

Until she gets sent to the damn hospital and her damn father doesn't give any crap about her, the useless daughter.

Until she can't hold it in anymore.

He finds her in that bathroom of hers.

It's worse than the time he found her cutting one month after he met her.

Much more.

The words are etched one inch too deep in her skin, reading 'ugly', reading 'fat', reading 'not good enough', 'useless'. The water is red. All of it. With the blood from her too-deep cuts. With Sharpie and with razor blades. On the floor, clutching a bottle of pills, left unused because she blacked out too soon, if that didn't work out good.

Natsu starts breathing heavily, too heavily to be true. Banging his fist on the counter, he holds her and babbles words no one could understand but him.

When she's in the hospital, they tell him she's okay.

That she'll be alive.

That she won't die.

And he whispers the nurse's words over and over again.

_She's okay._

_She's okay._

_She's okay._

She is okay.

And he breaks down when he walks in the room and sees her crying too and restrained, yelling for them to just let her die, she can't take it anymore, to let her go, to _let her go_. He cries out a loud "Lucy!" and slumps down on his knees next to her.

He sobs like nothing ever before, not even when his father had walked away. He looks at her sad, and she says sorry without saying sorry because she knows he knows and she doesn't know what to do.

He doesn't want to see her so vulnerable to those peoples' words, so vulnerable, so broken, so sad.

Not ever again.

* * *

A week later, she sleeps at his place. Natsu's lonely like never before when she's gone and he's also worried like hell because he doesn't know if she'll ever leave him again.

The people are mostly sorry and a few new people show up and make friends with Lucy. Gray Fullbuster and his girlfriend Juvia Lockser, Erza Scarlet and her best friend Jellal (who's distant but likes them anyways), and Wendy, who's in her freshman year.

Lucy is shocked when they all say sorry, because who says sorry?

_Lucy and Natsu finally hang out._

_And this time, Natsu is brave enough to confess._

_And brings her a small little tree that glows in rainbow colors. It's beautiful._

_She finally gets to hug him and kiss him for real this time._

_He tells her, for real, that she's his._

_To this day, despite all the words, she made it through. _

_She thinks she's beautiful for the first time since her mother died._

_And she is._

**I finally finished this piece of work, in probably a few hours. I hope it's not too off because I researched it and I'm happy about it.**

**This goes out for all my friends who have been through depression and just so you know, I really love you guys (in a friend way) and never give up. I've never gone through that stuff and I'm glad but I'll always be there to support you (well not always, you know what I mean).**

**If you ever see this,**

**you know it's you who I'm talking about.**

**Stay strong.**

**-leena1445**


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